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Seeing the Forest for the Trees

March 23, 2011

You know that saying “You can’t see the forest for the trees”? That’s how my brain feels lately. With the wedding 2 and 1/2 months away, our engagement shoot in two weeks, bridal show in a month and all the bazillion other planning things, plus life things, it’s been hard for me to see the goal through all the things to do.

For a while I’ve been feeling a bit strange, but wasn’t sure how to put that feeling into words until I read this beautiful post by Vivienne yesterday where she talks about vulnerability. When I read it my mind went “YES! That’s what I feel like!”  She was talking about art and projects and all the of the wonderful e-courses she’s doing and the vulnerability of opening yourself up to possibilities and people, and while I would love to be feeling that vulnerability (because it would mean I’ve done something to share my art with the world), my vulnerability is different.

Mine is about committing without doubt or fear, it’s about starting a new life and taking a new name.  It’s about taking something very private (love, hopes, dreams for our life together) and professing it on a very public stage and hoping people will understand. With every thing I cross of my wedding to do list lately I’ve had this worry in my head, “is it enough? will it all be good enough?”. Realizing that those fears are speaking out of the bigger fear of opening up to the world. Love is a big thing, and telling someone you want to love them for your whole life is a big thing, and sometimes I find myself worrying that it won’t be done right if it doesn’t LOOK right. If the flowers aren’t right, or the plates, or the banners or the ceremony isn’t under a tree, if things go wrong then I worry that it will reflect poorly on my love for my amazing husband-to-be.  But really, those are all issues that I’m making so that I can manage or control the one thing that will make it the best it can be. All I have to do is open up my heart, allow myself to be vulnerable and real and true to who I am. That is what will make it amazing and a day to start the rest of our life together on.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. March 23, 2011 3:17 pm

    Beautiful photo (I always love tree photos) and beautiful post. Thanks for sharing.

  2. March 24, 2011 10:55 am

    The only thing that truly matters is what is in your hearts. xo

  3. Ashley Erin permalink*
    March 24, 2011 2:32 pm

    Thanks so much Juli and Lisa, it felt good to put some of these feelings into words and make sense of them. 🙂

  4. March 25, 2011 4:06 pm

    Love and marriage are big things yes! But all that matters on your big day is you and your mister to be and if you are happy then everyone else will be happy no matter if the florist got the flowers right 😉 Congratulations, enjoy your new journey.
    Just found your blog, your photography is lovely!

  5. March 26, 2011 12:01 pm

    This is an amazing photo. It’s always hard to be vunerable and yet, at times it’s such a good thing for us. Thank you for the reminder.

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